3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
