Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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