they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
