He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
