if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
