the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
