I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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