i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
