guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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