As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
