He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
what day is it and did you see me today?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
