Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
