Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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