Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
