Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
