No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize