I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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