Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
