no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
