and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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