i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
