I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
