i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
