my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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