Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
