Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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