There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
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i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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