Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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