She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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