Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
