remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
