You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
