his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
