I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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