dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
