So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
