So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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