I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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