I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
