so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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