FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
