beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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