He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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