so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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