he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Too much gin, very little bucket
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
