Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
