"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
