Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
