margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
