He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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