just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
ttyl tear gas
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
