Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS