I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
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I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
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He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.