We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.