you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
