3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
