His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
