My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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