just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
