I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
