Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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