Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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