Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
