The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
