I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
