My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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