Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
