My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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