I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
